Oct. 2nd, 2016

turbogrrl: (robotcoffee)
It feels like a lot of friends and loved ones are wading through terrible things; and they are mostly things I can't help with.

There is a lot of depression; a lot of money troubles; drugs and other addictions; the loneliness that comes from not having a partner, or having one who can't help with the challenges they are in the middle of.

I suppose in the abstract I *could* help with some of these things, but I suspect that in many ways these problems are like little personal black holes— one could pour infinite amounts of time or money or caring into them but frequently there doesn't seem to be an end or it's not the right type of time/money/caring... and the reality is that I probably would wake up three months from now with a 30-something on my couch in our one-room one-bathroom home who was only "looking for a place to crash for a weekend". (And I know at least two of the people in that situation do drugs. I can't have that in my house. I understand wanting to escape, but... but.)

As the price tag for our as-yet-unbuilt home keeps spiraling higher i keep wondering if we're being hopelessly irresponsible. If spending this money on a home is utterly selfish, when I have friends worrying about being homeless, worrying where the next paycheck will come from, worrying that their loved ones won't make it home one night due to the color of their skin.

Some days I feel awful about how incredibly lucky i am.

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