fake steve goes on a rant

The following was nev-dulled:

"It's not a company, it's a cult, and frankly I can appreciate that because we're a cult too and the fact is that cults are easier to run than companies. But you're running a cult of children. And not just any children. You've got children of the corn type children."

school limbo

so, things are a little up in the air for the next several weeks. I could be upset, but honestly, I did it to myself, so really all I can do is laugh about it.

See, as things stand, (until the F can get corrected) when I finish this semester I will have 59 credits. That would be one credit short of being a Junior. Which means that I have to wait until the sophomores can register, and hope that my classes haven't filled up.

It's not even clear how much this might matter, as it will take two or three weeks for the for the major change to take effect. Both mathematics and GIS put advising registration blocks in place. Now, it's possible that I could get the math people to clear the block and let me register, but that would circumvent the advising block GIS has in place, so they might not be willing to do that. Or I could cross my fingers and hope that the major change will have gone through before the sophomores are allowed to register, so I'll just need to see the GIS folks. Or I could proactively see the GIS advisor, get them to sign off somehow on my class selections, and then take that over to the hapless math folks and *then* get them to remove the block. Or maybe I could just go crying to registration.

Or, I could do what I've been doing, and just laugh at myself.

...

Oh, there is one bit of good news. Assuming I don't fail any of the courses I'm in this semester, (heh. hoping?), I'll have already met all of the benchmarks for the degree, which means they can't kick me out of the program. Small favors, I guess.

...

Just finished Yet Another Midterm. my brain is mush.

and so it goes

Two of my dad's co-workers have committed suicide in the last two weeks. All I can do is think back to my harsh words of a few months ago, "...is this how you want to die? Is it? This is *your* choice- the job is eating you up, and you *choose* it. Don't tell yourself you have to do this, that this is the only way. You choose it and you now you have to ask yourself, is this how you want to die?"

Still true. Harsh, but true. I don't know how, precisely, this job will kill him. Maybe he'll fall off another roof. Maybe he'll fall asleep at the wheel of his truck again. Maybe he'll have a heart attack.

I see these things, but nothing to be done.


The cherry blossoms shower the ground, bruised and lost.

...

I sat, lost in reverie after the lit class. The professor- so transparent. I have sympathy for her, I really do. It can't have been easy, growing up a lesbian in south texas in the 50s. I don't pretend to comprehend all of her existence from the thumbnail sketches we get, where the unsaid looms taller than a high plains thunderhead. And yet, she thinks she can glance cursorily out over the crowd and know all that is worth knowing about us. She's quick to anger, quick and careless in her speech, and she bristles like a kicked dog turned mean at any sign of opposition.

You can see her, seeking adulation from the students and TAs that cluster and trip behind her- seeking out the pretty ones, and the awkward ones that remind her of her- she has patience for anyone who stumbles in their speech, and I'd respect her for that except for the blossoming smirk she can't hide when she lets them ramble on too much.

My TA came up to me, and said hi. I could see concern in her eyes- I'd disagreed with the prof again, and now I was sitting lost in thought. "Don't take it personally- anything you say, it's wrong. It's just how she is."
"Oh, I know. That, I could see the first day."

But I felt sorry for her- she's trying to get her PhD, and she's likely yoked to this intolerant dragon until she finishes. If the dragon lets her finish.

...

It's the middle of the semester, I'm at three As and two B's. It'd be really nice if I didn't fuck this up.