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the problem with dongle forking.
Mar. 21st, 2013 11:56 pmThere is this thing that has blown up on the twintertubes, about what constitutes harassment and proper responses and escalation and hello, shitstorm.
I think a large part of the problem we are having discussing this incident is due to the fact that a mere textual recounting of words spoken does not begin to encompass harassment. The act of innuendo is to imbue otherwise innocuous words with layers of meaning through gesture, intonation, and facial expression. Innuendo is a bidirectional communication, in that it can be extended nearly infinitely in plausibly innocent ways once the speaker knows the hearer is attuned to it. The act of harassment and exclusion can be many-layered, and include innuendo, gesture, expression, deliberation, volume, physical proximity, perception of power, speech patterns, anonymity, and strength in numbers. To be clear, it doesn't always require *intent*. Part of privilege is the ability to be unconscious to the factors that might already be making other people uncomfortable or feel unsafe.
It's easy to be an armchair quarterback out of the moment and say that X phrase or Y action does or does not constitute harassment. To which I counter, the actual words spoken are only a small literal fraction of an encounter.
It's a very real problem that the only tools we women have to counter misogyny and sexism and innuendo are the equivalent of automatic weapons or atom bombs that will get other people fired. Because being left with that choice is no choice at all, and so women get blamed for the consequences of *merely speaking up*.
You know what? I'm tired of going through life telling myself that I should just deal with showing up to a meeting with a coworker only to see hardcore porn on his screen, because if I report him his three kids might not eat. I'm tired of not reporting the professor who told me I wasn't getting laid enough when I asked him about a programming problem, because if he loses his job our department might lose important funding contracts. I'm tired of glossing over and looking past the countless other incidents I've had to cope with, and I'm tired of having to consider the long-term impact of every single word I speak– because you know what? MEN RARELY HAVE TO DO THIS, and yet I have to do it every minute of my working life. That is male privilege, and *that* is the source of this formless anonymous backlash and anger. They feel put upon, by this demand of "political correctness." It's too much to ask, for them to always be considering what they say, how it might affect others. Women should just shut up, because our feelings are not as important as their unimpeded paycheck. Never mind that the careless harassment of my professor nearly ruined my whole semester. Never mind that the last decade of my career has been guided NOT by taking risks and achievements, but by choosing to stay in comfortable places where no one comments on my tits.
This is the cumulative snowball of brushing off yet another dick joke.
I like a good dick joke as much as the next guy. But only in the company of people I know, and only after carefully considering the long-term impact of my speech. To do else, is an abuse of power.
I think a large part of the problem we are having discussing this incident is due to the fact that a mere textual recounting of words spoken does not begin to encompass harassment. The act of innuendo is to imbue otherwise innocuous words with layers of meaning through gesture, intonation, and facial expression. Innuendo is a bidirectional communication, in that it can be extended nearly infinitely in plausibly innocent ways once the speaker knows the hearer is attuned to it. The act of harassment and exclusion can be many-layered, and include innuendo, gesture, expression, deliberation, volume, physical proximity, perception of power, speech patterns, anonymity, and strength in numbers. To be clear, it doesn't always require *intent*. Part of privilege is the ability to be unconscious to the factors that might already be making other people uncomfortable or feel unsafe.
It's easy to be an armchair quarterback out of the moment and say that X phrase or Y action does or does not constitute harassment. To which I counter, the actual words spoken are only a small literal fraction of an encounter.
It's a very real problem that the only tools we women have to counter misogyny and sexism and innuendo are the equivalent of automatic weapons or atom bombs that will get other people fired. Because being left with that choice is no choice at all, and so women get blamed for the consequences of *merely speaking up*.
You know what? I'm tired of going through life telling myself that I should just deal with showing up to a meeting with a coworker only to see hardcore porn on his screen, because if I report him his three kids might not eat. I'm tired of not reporting the professor who told me I wasn't getting laid enough when I asked him about a programming problem, because if he loses his job our department might lose important funding contracts. I'm tired of glossing over and looking past the countless other incidents I've had to cope with, and I'm tired of having to consider the long-term impact of every single word I speak– because you know what? MEN RARELY HAVE TO DO THIS, and yet I have to do it every minute of my working life. That is male privilege, and *that* is the source of this formless anonymous backlash and anger. They feel put upon, by this demand of "political correctness." It's too much to ask, for them to always be considering what they say, how it might affect others. Women should just shut up, because our feelings are not as important as their unimpeded paycheck. Never mind that the careless harassment of my professor nearly ruined my whole semester. Never mind that the last decade of my career has been guided NOT by taking risks and achievements, but by choosing to stay in comfortable places where no one comments on my tits.
This is the cumulative snowball of brushing off yet another dick joke.
I like a good dick joke as much as the next guy. But only in the company of people I know, and only after carefully considering the long-term impact of my speech. To do else, is an abuse of power.
